I am not a Master Fromager. As a cheese lover, I don't know what's good, but I know what I like. That's a true statement if you consider what a real Master Fromager thinks of my favorite cheese, Munster. In the book Mastering Cheese, Lessons For Connoisseurship From A Maitre Fromager, Munster is listed as a "stinky cheese". I hadn't noticed. It is also called "cow-y", but I don't see that they call goat cheese goat-y or sheep cheese sheep-y. I feel bad for Munster, as if someone had said my pet could be a contender for The Ugliest Dog In The World contest.

St. Benedict is not actually the patron saint of cheese, but he can be thanked for "inspiring the construction of monasteries...which in turn led to the creation of a great modern cheese type: washed-rind stinky 'monk cheeses'" (33).

The blue cheeses, called Miraculous Moldies in the book, are blue because of the mold that gives them their flavor. This mold is a kind of pennicillin. I don't know if you could culture a medicinal grade of penicillin in a lab from blue cheese or not. That's like saying, sure, I'll deliver your baby in an end of the world scenario, otherwise, no.

It seems they've got cheese tasting down to a science:

"What we humans perceive as cheese flavor is made up of a few of fundamental components: first, the five flavors detected by the taste buds on our tongues- sweet, sour, bitter, salty, and umami (savory); and second, the thousands of odors we can pick up with our noses" (92).

There are terms you can use to describe cheese. "Terms such as fruity, nutty, and grassy are common...You'll find some interesting- at times quirky, quizzical, comical, and even anthropomorphic- references. Some of them are a tad alarming; some are even cute. (See sidebar on "squidgy" and "bilious", page 100) (98).

The sidebar title Take a Good Sniff suggests that one should Smell The Rind, but not to eat it if it smells "funky". Yes, that's the exact word used.

What do you call it when the cheese squeaks on your teeth?

The book is actually quite informative and could raise your level of cheese awareness beyond pasteurized American cheese:

"...In 1851, a dairy entrepreneur named Jessie Williams built America's first industrial cheese factory in Rome, New York...American cheese manufacturers skimmed off their cream and sold it for extra income. By cutting corners and shipping out inferior cheeses, they were able to turn a better profit."

American cheese has ruled America since then. It, like Americans, could be called bland due to the so-called Melting Pot effect, but I prefer to think of it as The Sleeping Giant. I think it is the Industrial Strength bi-product of America's love of cheese.